Wedding Invitations
Today, in the mail, I received a wedding invitation. This is for the neighbor across the street (well, her daughter), who I don't know terribly well. I wonder if they are having a big wedding and inviting EVERYBODY they know or if we are better friends than I thought. Either way, I must decide what to do about it. This is my belief on what to do with awkward wedding invitations ("awkward" as it is used here means, "I don't know anyone who will be at the wedding except the parents of the bride and I prefer to not attend").
I will decline the invitation, but still send a gift in our absence. The gift should be worth $50-$100 for this occasion, which would have paid for the dinner if we had attended. I have a couple of standard gifts I send to people, going with the idea of a practical side and a not so practical side. If I can, I find a set of crystal candlesticks and a small kitchen appliance, especially if they have one on their registry. The last wedding I went to was for a cousin who I would love to see more often, but due to distance I do not. We found a very nice wine decanter and set of matching wine glasses. I know they are a couple who will use them. We received a set at our wedding, back when we were not anyone who would ever use them, and I love the set and even use it (the glasses) quite a bit.
If you accept such an invitation, stay long enough to talk to the happy couple. They will be glad to see you and happy to show off their new rings.
Some other random wedding etiquette:
- You can wear black to a wedding if it is after 4 PM
- The names on the inner envelope indicate who is invited. Do not bring kids if the invite does not list them
- Sit on the side with fewer people if you are friends with both the bride and the groom
Send gifts ahead for the couple to open when they are relaxed - If you have found a perfect gift that comes in under budget, consider a gift card to add to the present
- If you are invited to the shower but do not attend you are not required to send a gift
I don't want to get too specific otherwise this will be a VERY long post, unless a specific question comes up. So that is it for today!
posted by Canton Mommy | 3:09 PM
5 Comments:
Ahh, a topic I shouldn't be commenting on, but will.
1. Inviting a bunch of people you don't know just for the gifts is tacky. If you get the feeling that's why you've been invited, don't feel obligated on a gift. You may even be able to come out ahead on the deal if you send an invoice for WASTING YOUR TIME. With a little luck, it will get paid with all the other bills.
2. Plungers are great gifts for young couples, as there's never one around when you need it. People in their thirties probably don't need one, though. This should be viewed as the "throw-in", and not the main gift. When you wrap it, be sure to put a bow on it.
3. The gift should be >= the cost of dinner rule is a crock. The only time this should be obeyed is if you're provided a menu in the invite, and if the cost of the meal is disclosed.
4. Speaking of meals, give people options if you're not sharing what the menu is. Nothing sucks worse as a guest than going to a reception only to discover you have to hoarde the bread because the main course is chicken, and you're allergic to poultry. A second option isn't asking too much.
5. If you only own a black suit, wear that regardless of the time of the wedding. It's better than jeans or showing up naked.
6. Even if you invite children, be sure to set up a pen where children can be tethered at the reception. This should be small, enclosed, and locked.
7. If you bring your children, don't let them run all over the place. You may think everyone wants to see your kids. The majority of us don't. If there are a number of single guys attending, they may start a pool on how many kids they can put on the ground. Better for all parties that they be parked somewhere. Just be sure to pick them up again on your way out.
8. Feel free to confuse the ushers by saying you're a friend of the organist. Or hold up a media credential. This will allow you to sit wherever you damn well please.
9. Any gift that requires 3 or more people to bring in to the reception should probably be delivered elsewhere. I've done this, and in hindsight, it probably wasn't the greatest idea.
Oh, and one other thing. If you decide to invite people with kids to your wedding, if they have to travel 600 miles to get there, you probably need to invite the kids. It's probably not realistic otherwise, which would subject you to answer #1 above.
Dear Uncommon Advice,
I have a question!
We have a friendly supper club where we go to each other's houses for dinner, a different couple hosts each month. It's an adults only type of situation. We moms do a lot of things together with the kids, but this is so we can really enjoy the meal without the children to look after. Most of us get babysitters, but one of our group keeps bringing their kids, just saying the babysitter fell through, or whatever. I don't even think they're trying! Last month's dinner was at my house and I got a babysitter to take my children somehwere else, only to have her show up with her kids?! How do I nicely tell her she needs to try harder?
Thanks.
Derek- if you are inviting guests from 600 miles away, you are stuck with the kids at the reception. You can, however, provide babysitting for a group of children at a relative's house or even a room in the hotel if the reception is being held there. That is a great point and I am glad you brought it up.
expecting parents to leave their kids with someone they first of all don't know and secondly in a separate room at a hotel or other location in this day and age is ridiculous as most parents who have an ounce of common sense in their brains would say absolutely NO WAY to this. As a mom myself if someone with a wedding said "Oh, my uncle so and so agreed to watch the kids in his hotel room during the reception" there would be no way on God's green earth that my child would be going with him. they may be the nicest person on earth, but even nice people could be a pedafile or other kind of weirdo. Anyone who would go along with that in this day and age is irresponsible as a parent period.
The question with parents over bringing kids to weddings or not isn't about wanting to wreck someone's day. Weddings for family members are seen as family occassions and children are part of a family. People that think it is ok to send children off with people parents don't know to watch them at a wedding OR that parents should be responsible by bringing their sitter along to the wedding is just not feasible to do with all the ramifications involved. To make such suggestions tells me that the people making them don't have children of their own to think it would be OK to send a child of any age off with a stranger for the sake of a wedding.
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