Dinner Invitations

For some reason, people tend to invite me to things at the last minute. This happened to me in church this morning, and is usually preceded by, "What are you doing for...?" By the time they're asking, I've pretty much planned on doing something that doesn't involve interaction with humans (a strong preference, giving my strongly introverted nature), but that's a tough one to tell people. To complicate things, I've got a number of food allergies, so holiday meals prepared by someone else, for me, resembles a milder form of Russian Roulette. What's the best way to get out of these? ...Whenever I'm invited to someone's home for a meal, I try to ask about what's being served. I figure this is less offensive than eating something I'm allergic to and going into convulsions. I realize that some people think this can be rude, but when my continued existence is at stake, I think that's tough noogies. What say you?


Dear Eaten Up,
Last minute invitations are very casual and can be declined just as lightly. If the person is polite, they will first let you know what they are inviting you to so that you do not first say that you are doing nothing and then get tricked into coming over since you just admitted you were doing nothing. If they happen to first ask what you are doing (as most often happens with last minute invitations), then be ambiguous. You know it is coming, so reply carefully, maybe with, "I have a few things on the agenda", or, "There are a few plans up in the air yet". Then when they ask if you could join them for, say, dinner, you can easily decline. Just a "No, Thanks" or a "I'll take a rain check on that" will suffice - you do not have to explain why you are declining the invitation. Just remember the rule of 3's, which is you should not decline 3 invitations from the same person/people in a row.

If you want to accept an invitation to someone's house and are worried what will be on the menu, then first decline. That is, decline with a reason that can and must be refuted by the host: "I would love to come over, but it is hard to find a dinner that is in the narrow spectrum of foods I can eat." If the person really meant to invite you, then they will inquire about this, leaving a fine opening for you to detail the most important points of your food allergies. Having been a hostess on the other end (which I am sure you recall), I have since learned to ask potential guests if they have any allergies or preferences. This way I have proactively learned one neighbor is vegetarian and another one does not eat any form of pork. If I had not asked, the subsequent meals could have been uncomfortable.